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Safe Redux

Have been thinking a little more about that piece I wrote earlier today about the bathtub … I think photos like that affect me the way they do … provoke the ideas they do … for a reason …

I say at the end that I don’t think I could go so far myself … but I have to admit that this was a bit of a cheat … not wanting to admit reality … I know I could … in a way I already have …

Our way has been almost entirely virtual … but aren’t things of the mind and heart most real in the end anyway … the events of life created by our thoughts and dreams … the deeds we do engendered by intent … the realities of our world realized through the possibilities we imagine … or don’t …

And so I have had to live on blind trust … on nothing but faith … often left alone to the less than tender mercies of my own imagination … with the sometimes mental anguish of that liable to do far more damage than either a few moments in a bathtub or a single strike from a whip ever could …

My world has been a knife edge for almost three years now … but I can choose and have chosen to live out there in the storm … that horrible place where fear and uncertainty can easily rule … the inescapable world as it is … because my life is in his hands …

Being backed into his bed was just a physical manifestation of a reality that existed between us long before we ever got to that day … those moments of suffocation being our own less extreme version of the bathtub or the whip … or at least I think of them as less extreme …

And it was what we both know it to have been … my offering … his answer … with him there was and is no need for fear … no place for hesitation … no boundary … my life is safe in his hands …

The waters cover me … and darkness surrounds me … but I know I will not drown …

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